I want off the ride, please!

Surgery is cancelled for Tuesday. Can you believe that I maxed out all of my insurance benefits!? So, it will be postponed until new job and new benefits kick in. I'm expecting that to be around mid to the end of October. I'll live, but my heart just hurts.

I've never played the why me game, but today I played the "Damn it, I never asked for this crap game." The one where you curse everything you have to go through just to do what mother nature has been doing forever. My life has been turned upside down, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I guess I should try and figure that out. I've gone through all the emotions today. I wondered if I knew it was going to take all of this, would I ever have gotten married? Would it have been fare to do this to my husband? I wish having children didn't matter so much to me.

What do you do, when all you want to do is throw yourself on the ground and throw a temper tantrum? A bubble bath won't fix it, crying won't, and feeling sorry for myself won't either. I just wish I had some kind of control. Alas, I don't nor will I any time soon. So, don't mind me, I'm just not fit for public viewing today.